"It's complicated."

​By Markus Bärlocher (Markus Bärlocher) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

It is?

Lots of the complicated problems we are confronted with are really artificially complicated. In other words, we make things seem complicated to avoid facing simple realities. He’s just not that into you. They were better than us and so we lost. She’s a jerk. It’s too expensive. It doesn’t work.

Confusing ourselves with complications is just overblown denial. 

There are lots of complicated things in life: Running a hierarchical Bayes estimation model; learning to cook Indian food; tying a Double Fisherman’s Bend. 

But in most things, I think Occam was right. The simplest explanation is best. 

Yes, you.

There’s a problem again. You know the one. The one that everyone is whispering about. The one that no one can figure out how to solve. The one that is keeping everyone up at night.

You’ve got an idea about it, but you’re pretty sure that your idea is stupid. Just plain dumb. I mean, it will never work, right? So you’ve kept it to yourself. Cause, come on, what do you have to offer?

But here’s the honest truth: The probability that a white knight is going to ride into your school/office/house on a winged horse holding a magical wand forged from fairy dust in an enchanted volcano and instantly vaporize your problem is, to be frank, pretty slim. It sounds great, and I’m all for it, but I’m guessing it isn’t going to happen.

If there’s a hero in your story, it’s going to have to be you.

You can do it.

Why you need to say what needs to be said.

You’ve been there. You’re sitting in a meeting, or in class, or at lunch with some friends. And someone says something that is so obviously wrong, incorrect, ignorant, predujiced, anecdotal, off-base, or just otherwise ridiculous that you stop chewing and drop your jaw. You glance over at the person next to you and it is clear that she feels the same way you do. And you wait for a second, because someone is obviously going to disagree, right? Somebody is going to tactfully but firmly say, “Well, wait a second, I’m not sure I agree with that.”

You wait for a second or two, but the first person just keeps on talking. No one interrupts. No one disagrees. Everyone leaves wondering, “Wow, am I surrounded by idiots and cowards? And am I an idiot and coward too?”

There’s something on your mind that you probably need to say today. Telling someone that you love them; telling someone you’re sorry; telling someone that their great idea is neat but probably too risky; telling someone that you like them as a person but you can’t agree with their viewpoint. 

Speaking that thought to power is going to be difficult. But would you rather face that challenge this morning and say what needs to be said, or face yourself in the mirror tonight knowing that you let the chance to be yourself pass for one more day?

You have something valuable to say. No one hears it until you say it. 

Let's make a deal.

I’ll believe in you if you believe in yourself.

Deal?

A simple equation about your role.

"But what can I do?" Here are a dozen ideas.

Often the enormity and callousness of the day’s events leave us feeling disconnected and dispirited — powerless to make a difference. “The problems are so, so big,” we say to ourselves. “There’s nothing I can do.” 

Have you ever gone camping and tried to start a fire? You know the story: You can’t find wood; no one brought any newspaper; it starts to rain. But you scrape together some supplies, clear a spot, and find a few matches in the bottom of someone’s backpack. Wow, those matches look old. And it sure is raining. 

You strike one, two, three — they all fizzle out. With a single match left, you adjust a piece of cardboard, your friend holds her hand just right, your buddy mumbles an offering to the Universe (or was he cursing?), and you strike it. Shazam — it catches. You have to scramble for the first few minutes to keep it lit, and a gust of wind nearly sends the whole thing down the hill. But after a few minutes your little fire is going pretty well. After ten minutes you’re warming your hands, and after 15 you take off your jacket. 

I’ll tell you what: Any day of the week I’m going to bet on your power to be a match over the world’s ability to keep you cold and wet. Here are twelve ways to get something lit:

1. Say hello to someone you’ve never met, without worrying about whether they think you’re weird.
2. Write a quick email to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. 
3. Let someone cut in front of you in line. “No, please — go ahead.”
4. Pick up a piece of trash in a public place, even if it wasn’t yours.
5. Say to someone, “You know, that was a really good point.”
6. Ask a friend, “Are you okay?”
7. Say “please” and “thank you.” It’s easy to forget. 
8. Raise your voice about something you support, even if you think no one is listening.
9. Raise your voice about something that disturbs you, especially if you think no one is listening.
10. Tell your parents you love them. They know it, but it means something to hear it.
11. Tell your kids you’re proud of them. They don’t know it, and it means everything to hear it.
12. Tell yourself you matter, even if you don’t believe it. Believe it.

It’s true that the world’s winds are going to howl and wail no matter what you do.

But the world isn’t on fire — you are. Your little spark isn’t as little as you think.

Great news! We made it really complicated!

I’ve been reminded a few times this past week that complexity is overrated. I love big Excel models and rambling blog posts as much as the next guy, but most of the time people just need us to make things easier to follow. 

Years ago I read A Fan’s Notes by Frederick Exley. It’s a modern classic, although not a happy read by any stretch of the imagination. Exley is a tortured soul trying to find his way; he’s rather brilliant, so he picks up teaching. But as his students continue to struggle, it dawns on him that for all of his intellect he will never be a good teacher. He lacks, he realizes, “the intelligence to simplify.” It turns out that biggest obstacle facing his students is him. 

I’m not always great at learning from his example, but it stuck with me. Complexity can inspire awe — but more often than not it just perpetuates confusion. The best missions, strategies, and even relationships are simple. 

The fact is, unless your job is to design corn mazes, spelling bees, or crossword puzzles, what everyone wants is straighter lines, fewer syllables, and shorter words. No one cheers the person who makes things inscrutable hard to understand. 

Let's talk about you. There are two possibilities.

It could be that you have nothing to offer — no skills, no talent, no prospects, and all of the doubts you harbor about yourself are pretty much true.

Or it could be that the world has deep needs that you are uniquely qualified to address. It could be that you were put on this earth to be the exact right key for a specific lock of change that will remain tightly shut without your part. It could be that you are the precise bit of effort needed to push the needle of change on the human condition a bit more towards justice, equality, and happiness.

Which is it?

Quote database up and running!

After a lot of fits and starts, the Your Part Matters quote database is officially up, running, tagged, indexed, and searchable. I still have about 100 quotes to add, but there are 70 or 80 slices of wisdom and inspiration to get you started. Click here for details and a whole lot more!

Update: No one needs to hear you say you were right.

You probably were, and you probably saw it coming a mile away. Whatever it is — the big failure, the big success, the huge win, the huge obstacle — yep, you probably called it weeks ago. Whoa! You were way out in front of that one!

But the moments when you are most tempted to say “HA! I knew it!” are probably the moments when you most need to close your mouth, inhale your hubris, and slowly chew your words. You’ll have a bigger impact by saying, “Hey, how could anyone have known? We all did it. Let’s move forward together.”

Thoughts from Impact 360!

The kick-butt Event 360 team!I just returned from Valencia, California, where I spent two very full days with our entire Event 360 team at Impact 360, our once-every-18-months-or-so all-team meeting. I’m finding it hard to describe the many thoughts I have rolling around in my head right now, but I thought I’d take a shot at a few of them. 

Here’s what I’m taking away.

• Show is better than tell, and do is better than show. Even as the leader of an event fundraising company, I sometimes forget how powerful experiences can be. We spent a lot of time in activities and very little time in lectures. There’s just no substitute for something that is immersive and engaging. There’s no substitute for face-to-face interaction. How can you engage someone in a powerful conversation today?
• “We” is more powerful than “I” or “you.” Our content was developed by a very large group of our team and our core activities involved literally everyone. There’s no doubt in my mind that this made our curriculum much more compelling. What are you doing that would be improved by someone else’s input? (Probably everything.) What can you do to involve them?
• Your clients and partners can discuss your impact better than you can. It sounds risky to hand over your most important messages to people outside of your organization, but that is exactly what we did. Rather than talk about our accomplishments, we asked clients and partners to discuss it. In what had to be some of the best sessions we’ve ever conducted, we heard unscripted presentations and discussions about our role in other people’s growth. What could you ask your clients to do for you?
• Not everything works, but trying everything is worth it. We wanted to create a comfortable and unique environment for our team, so among other things, we augmented the normal “chairs and table rounds” you find at a conference with yoga mats and medicine balls. The first day, the medicine balls were completely taken; by the last day, the thrill had worn off and almost every single ball rolled around empty. Still, it was a fun thing to try and a neat thing to do. What silly ideas have you been putting off? Could you implement one today?

I know I’ll have many more thoughts over the next few weeks, but I wanted to write a few today while the meeting was fresh in my mind. 

By far my biggest takeaway is that the Event 360 team absolutely rocks, and I’m nothing but proud and inspired to spend my time with a group of fun, driven, and idealistic world changers. How can we help you?

When you do something wrong...

…just apologize. It isn’t as hard as you think.